From the orientation of Br. Jorrell on the Christian Life Program
- The Poor (Ang Mahirap/Naghihirap)
- The Blind (Ang Bulag/Ang Nabubulagan)
- The Captives (Nakakulong)
- The Oppressed (Ang Nasisiil)
I just realized how far I’ve gone.
Marlon and I attended an orientation for a 12-part program on Christian Life. I didn’t attend voluntarily, in fact, I had decided to be a meanie about it and not pay attention. The past few (years, months, weeks!!!) days have been hectic and stressful and I was in no mood to hear someone “sermon”.
Before Marlon and I got there, I was already in an argumentative mood. I was ill-at-ease but I felt something tugging at me to “go” to the orientation. When we got there, I was still in my “mood”. The hall was dimly lit (yellow lighting) but I felt as if I was burning my eyes. In my head, I was thinking – “show up, show yourself, then make an excuse to go”. Marlon and I sat in the front row – though we both still don’t know why I suggested it in the first place (I normally take the back seat so I wont draw attention to myself if I leave).
From the time we sat, I kept fidgeting. I was listening – and not listening. Things were distracting me. When I would listen, I wasn’t listening – I would judge the speaker, judge the other participants. But even though I was not actively listening, what Brother Jorrell was saying stung and stuck. I felt as if someone was shooting at me with invisible pellets, and each shot made contact. Brother Jorrell directed questions towards Marlon and myself, and at first, I gave straight and unattached answers. But later on, I felt as if the ice that was surrounding my being began to melt, and I began listening – attentively.
Also, the lighting in the place didnt hurt my eyes anymore. I began to listen and pay attention. Laughed when it was appropriate to laugh. Asked questions or stated phrases that were not meant to irritate or distract.
Suffice it to say, things became clear. Life made sense. And I – though embarassed for my initial reactions, am thoroughly excited to attend the next session.
~*~*~
Dear Lord, I am not worthy to receive You. Yet You are a merciful and loving God, and even though I have allowed myself to be led astray, You continue to wait for me to come Home to You. Dear God, forgive me for my arrogance. Forgive me for casting the first stone, when I myself am filthy. Lord, help me to forgive and seek forgiveness. Help me to help others, and serve You completely. Thank you for the chance Lord and your continued blessings, and I pray that I will not falter this time around. Amen.
I dont belong here, I guess.
I’m not the type to force myself into a clique. If you want to be my friend, that’s great. But if you dont, I wont force you to like me. I prefer to keep things simple that way.
But sometimes, it just get’s so, I don’t know, tiring. Tiring not being asked out to lunch or a snack. Tiring to be the only one left in the office while everyone crams in the pantry. I never barge in. I dont go where I’m not wanted. Like a vampire, I need to be invited to know that I’m welcome.
Am I being sentimental or overly sensitive? I dont know. But I have always had a strong intuitive sense. If I dont belong, or if I’m not wanted, I know it. I feel it.
So yes, continue to give me the cold shoulder. I will not do the same. Instead, I’ll continue to treat you with the kindness and civility you do not actually deserve.
I am currently reading The Prayer of Jabez: Breaking Through to the Blessed Life, by Bruce H. Wilkinson. I came across the book while I was window shopping at Power Books at the Mall of Asia. At first, I had no intention to make any purchase (kuripot!) but when somehow, I felt the book call to me. For a mere PhP150.00, I would say that it’s an EXCELLENT buy!
The prayer, no matter how short, is powerful. Read on.
“Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain. And God granted his request.” 1Chronicles 4:10
I am so blessed to have chanced upon Bo Sanchez‘ site yesterday.
This was a stressful morning, and one of the things I avoid is being angry at someone in the morning, because it truly ruins my entire day. This morning could not be avoided – believe me, I tried. There were just too many things at once. Anyway, to cut it short, after the irritation, I just folded, I felt my heart break and my eyes well up with tears. Too much, too many, too soon. And then I visited Bo’s site – rather I was drawn to it – and found this blog entry. And I realize now, that the emptiness and loneliness that I have been feeling for so long had a cause, it was not unwarranted.
At least, there’s a reason.
I wasn’t quite sure what my feelings were when I saw the teaser-trailer for GMA TVs newest show, Asian Treasures. The way the characters looked just seemed so… familiar. Then it dawned on me. Angel Locsin looks like Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft, Robin Padilla was a mixture of Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan (the Do) and garbed in what seemed to be Indiana Jones’ clothes. The title reminiscent of Nicolas Cages’ National Treasure. I haven’t really watched it, but the typical love-hate relationship seems to be there. One thing’s for sure, they got my attention.
I sometimes feel that I’m living in my own little world. There are times that I really don’t get, or care, about things that are causing so much “hype”. I don’t think I’m apathetic, really, it’s just that there are things that I care more about than the current fads.
An example is the ongoing Philippine Idol. Although I’m happy that our choice of reality television franchises have evolved, I just don’t feel like watching P.I. I’d rather wait and watch out for Next Top Philippine Model. Or we might have something like Project Runway Philippine version.
Going back to P.I., I can’t help but compare the style of the show and the level of talent to A.I. and the Philippines’ other local singing contests (e.g. Pinoy Pop Superstar!, Little Big Star, Tanghalan ng Kampeon). There’s too much going on (other than singing).
Maybe, just maybe, if the quality of the hosts and talents improve, I’ll start watching. But for now, I just don’t get it.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever
In the hustle and bustle of every day, in trying to adjust to the constant changes and shocking situations that we’re shoved into, I – sadly – must admit that I forget to look back, recognize, give time or thanks to God. In willing myself to catch up with the urgencies of each day, the miracles of life are left unnoticed. And yet, everything else that seem so urgent at the time, are actually less important. After a while, one wouldn’t even give it a second look or thought.
I am ashamed. Our God is so good to us. He has delivered us from our wretchedness, accepted us inspite of our sinfulness and loved us despite our selfish ways, and yet what thanks does He receive? A forgotten Sabbath. A hurried prayer. Hurting our fellow human beings and His wonderful creations.
In this crazy, constantly changing, world, only one thing remains – God’s love.
Lord, I find myself lost again. Losing my way again. Losing my patience. Losing my humanity. Forgive me Lord, for forgetting Your call. For forgetting Your laws. For turning away from Your open arms. For hurting You when all You ever wanted was to love me. I am sorry Lord for not having You as my first priority. I am sorry Lord for assuming that I can do all and be all without You.
Lord, in You alone shall I find peace, strength, and order. Help me Lord that I may find my way back to you.
Oooh! I’ve been tagged! This is my first time ever! Ok, hope I get this right.
Meme from Ganns:
1. How often do you blog? My bloglife hasn’t been very active lately. But I visit my blogs and my favorite reads at least once a week.
2. Online Alias: vida | cafevida | milkymooo
3. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? Yes, and I’ve been physically hurt because of it too.
4. What do you do most often when you are bored? I work (LOL). I also sing along with whatever’s playing on the radio and I browse. But when I’m at home, I’m never bored. I barely have time for myself!
5. When bathing, which do you wash first? The first thing I “wet” is my feet. But the first thing I lather up is my hair.
6. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? I think so. I was still working in Makati, then, but the details escape me.
7. What color looks best on you? Personally I find I look good in blacks, browns, greens, and old rose (no bright colors, please).
8. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Vodka.
9. Do you believe in heaven and hell as a real place that each of us will go to after death? Yes.
10. Do you find that you have more online friends than offline friends? I think I do, most of my friends are still my friends because we get to see each other online.
11. What was your favorite subject in school? Philosophy, Psychology, and English.
12. Are you a perfectionist? Yes.
13. Do you spend more than you can afford? Nope.
14. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before? Definitely! I’d rather feel the pain now then be left wondering the what ifs.
15. Do you consider yourself creative? Yup-yup!
16. Do you give yourself the credit you deserve? No…
17. Do you donate time or money to charities? Not as much as I would have wanted.
18. Have you recently done something that you’ve criticized others for doing? I don’t really criticize. But there are some behavior that I don’t like that I think I’ve done (e.g. nagging)
19. What’s on your mind right now? I want to sleep… s&t baby.
20. Say one nice thing about the person who tagged you and the five people that you are going to tag.
Ganns is the sweetest, kindest, and most creative man I’ve ever met! Anyone would be lucky to have him as a friend or part of their family. He helps me remember that there are still good things in this world, all I have to do is keep my mouth shut, my eyes open, and my heart and mind in prayer.
Tag… tag… tag…
Archer my ever-patient partner. I love you Dad, life has never been the same since.
Torikya one of my long-time friends who I have been blessed to be in touch with, no matter the distance. One witty woman with a wealth of wisdom with her.
Irish hello, sister! One of my closest college girl friends – she’s smart, she’s sexy, and she’s sassy. What a package!
Jerome ah Jerome! He became an online friend through a post I read in Ganns’ blog. Good times! He’s a daring diva, diba? One of the few blogs that I visit, he’s a great story teller, and a truth sayer.
Quinn is also a former CSB fellow and a really smart guy! He’s our walking dictionary, he is.
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